Mother Goose Lands in the County Jail

As she flew through Wisconsin on Monday, Mother Goose almost ended up in the Douglas County Jail.

It's the pokey for you, Old Goose...

The goslings and I were soaring northward, carefree and Minnesota-bound. We were nearly to Superior, checking the speedometer frequently, of course. I was suddenly filled with shock and some dread as I peeked into the rearview mirror and saw a Wisconsin Highway Patrol coming up fast behind us with his lights flashing, blue and red, blue and red. Of course, I pulled over immediately to allow him to pass us by to chase down the speeders and law-breakers ahead of us. Imagine the horror of Mother Goose when the state trooper pulled over right behind us…

Mother Goose gladly handed him her driver’s license, proof of insurance and registration materials as well as various documents verifying her U.S. citizenship, college diploma, marriage license, fishing license, and a list of all people who have “liked” or subscribed to Mother Goose Smiles. Certainly this is enough proof that Mother Goose is a good citizen!

The state trooper introduced himself as well, and asked THE question we all hate to answer, “Do you know how fast you were driving, Mother Goose?” I quickly replied, “Oh yes, 70 miles per hour. I’m really sorry about that.”

“Well, my stationary radar tagged you at 80 miles per hour. So we’ll be posting a bond, and here’s what we’ll do. Just $200.50 on your Visa or MasterCard, or you could surrender your bond card, or if you have cash we’ll go into town to the Sheriff’s Office and pay that amount to the county clerk.”

“Oh,” said Mother Goose. “Oh.” I handed him my Citibank bankcard and he quickly handed it back to me as it doesn’t have a mastercard logo on it. I handed him my Harris Bank mastercard which he took back to his patrol car to withdraw all my hard-earned money. He suddenly reappeared at the window, saying “That didn’t go through. How would you like to pay for this bond?”

I certainly don’t carry that kind of cash with me. I said, “Officer, that’s all I have.”

He calmly and coldly replied, “Does anyone else in the car have a valid driver’s license? You’ll have to wait in the jail until you can post the bond.”

“OFFICER!” Mother Goose thought that surely he must be joking around with us, having a little fun on our account, yanking our chain, or perhaps April Fool’s Day had arrived early to northern Wisconsin.

We followed him into town. He was dead serious about this offense and the consequences associated with it. He led us to a local bank where Mother Goose withdrew the required amount of the bond. I tried to hand it to him, but he refused it, saying that we must present a money order in the amount of $200.50.

We followed him to another bank, but were not allowed to purchase a money order because we had no account at their establishment.

We followed him to the Douglas County Jail.

State Trooper told the lady behind the black glass that Mother Goose was here to post bond. She said darkly that Mother Goose was not in the “system”. “Bring her back through the main doors. We’ll do a book and release on her,” she told the trooper.

Mother Goose folded her feathery hands and looked down at the floor. Her fate was sealed. Imagine the mug shots, the fingerprinting session, the bars and the slamming door, the click of the lock. The orange outfit she would need to wear. Imagine the children driving off to Minnesota without her. Mother Goose prayed.

“No,” answered the trooper. “It’s only a speeding violation. I’ll just have her mail the bond to the address on the citation.”

“Here you go,” he said to Mother Goose handing her the ticket and her driver’s license.

Mother Goose thanked him.

“You betcha. Drive safely.” And he strolled briskly out of the jailhouse and out to his patrol vehicle and back to work. Enough time wasted on this goose…


9 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Kim
    Mar 28, 2012 @ 11:44:49

    Eighty? Wow! You were one flying goose! At least you weren’t a “caged” goose…although your goose was cooked. <> But seriously, is this standard procedure if you get pulled over in another state, and is the “bond fee” separate form the amount of the ticket? Do you have to appear in court? I think it’s time to fly south & back to Chicago, Mrs. Goose!!! 😉 Love, Kim


    • Natalie
      Mar 29, 2012 @ 07:20:42

      Kim, the state trooper said that this was the procedure for out-of-state speeders. We were not speeding along any faster than anyone else, but they all had Green Bay Packers bumper stickers and Cheesehead license plates. And By the Way, GREAT puns!


  2. Three Well Beings
    Mar 28, 2012 @ 18:54:10

    OK…now I’m really wondering…have you exaggerated this (for creativity’s sake, you know)? I have never heard of this much “gotta pay right now” policy! Is this just a Wisconsin law? I have just never heard of such a thing. You were a cool goose to keep your feathers from flying! I would have been very upset. It’s time to sing “Homeward Bound” and do drive a bit slower 🙂 Debra


    • Natalie
      Mar 29, 2012 @ 07:25:45

      Debra, actually there was very little exaggeration or creativity in this post! They seem to recognize out of state license plates from great distances. I’m happy to be singing “Free Bird”, and definitely planning to drive slower, and possibly get home by avoiding Wisconsin altogether — possibly taking an alternate route through California… 😉


  3. Dianna
    Mar 28, 2012 @ 21:44:33

    Wow – that was certainly a scary situation. By the way, Mother Goose, by any chance, does your goosemobile have “cruise control”….?? Just a thought….!


  4. Natalie
    Mar 29, 2012 @ 07:27:16

    Ya know, Dianna, the goosemobile does indeed have something on the steering wheel that says “cruise”… I’m thinking I might learn how to operate that function in the very near future… I’m afraid I’m just a silly goose after all…


  5. yearstricken
    Mar 29, 2012 @ 18:59:19

    Yikes! You are one fast goose. Glad you didn’t end up in the slammer. 🙂


  6. Natalie
    Mar 31, 2012 @ 07:58:33

    Oh me too, got my wings clipped, you betcha…


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