Iron Chef Little Wife

I may not have told you about the time that Little Wife was chosen as the challenger on the Food Network show Iron Chef America.  Not too many people saw that episode as Little Wife is not a famous restaurant chef.  But there she was in Food Stadium, much to her great surprise!

Each challenger is encouraged by the Chairman to select an Iron Chef to cook against, of course.  Little Wife was ready with her answer.  “I choose Iron Chef Cat Cora,” Little Wife piped right up. She admired Cat Cora very much, considered her a role model actually!  “Very well, ” answered the Chairman. And onto the platform walked the legendary Cat Cora, looking beautiful and radiant in her Iron Chef jacket.  She crossed her arms confidently.

“And now, the secret ingredient….”

Little Wife held her breath.  What would be the ingredient and would she be prepared for this battle?

“GRUYERE CHEESE!!!”  As the crowd in Kitchen Stadium roared their approval, Little Wife watched the lovely Cat Cora and her assistant chefs and sou chefs and cooks and choppers rush forward to gather up all the cheeses they would need for their dishes.  Being a little on the short side, Little Wife had some trouble reaching the cheese where it was displayed on the Kitchen Stadium altar.  The pushing and the crowds literally unnerved her.

When she  finally got to the cheese, there were two packages left.  Happily she grabbed them and holding them high above her head, she ran back to her station to begin working on her delicious dishes.

On Cat Cora’s side of the kitchen, there was so much activity!  Chopping, shredding, sizzling, blending, and everybody was busy busy busy with their appointed tasks.  The Iron Chef had a very large staff of helpers — more people cooking than Little Wife could imagine.

Little Wife was alone with her gruyere cheese.

Well, Big Man had planned to help her with this very large challenge — he really did have huge intentions — but then there was a problem with one of his clients at work.  He had to take care of business, and couldn’t be there for Little Wife after all.  But you know Little Wife — she has a great forgiving heart and believed that she could still complete her meal for the judges.

She planned to prepare two dishes even though Iron Chef Cat Cora would be making six.  Her French onion soup recipe was right on the package so that would be quite easy to prepare — simply carmelize the sweet onions and then add the beef broth and the package of premixed spices and flavorings.  Little Wife looked around for a scissors to cut open the plastic bag.  There didn’t seem to be any scissors in her kitchen.

Climbing down from her step stool, she briskly ran over to Iron Chef Cat Cora.  “Could I please borrow your scissors, Iron Chef?” she asked politely.  “No, I’m sorry, Little Wife. Not today.”  and the Iron Chef continued with her very fancy cheesy meal.

So Little Wife, always a problem solver, ran back to her station and climbed back on her step stool.  She looked around to see if the cameras were pointed at her, and seeing that they were all very busy on the Iron Chef’s side, she quickly brought the plastic package up to her mouth and bit a hole in it so she could dump out her ingredients into the carmelized onions.

Suddenly Alton Brown was standing right in front of her!  “Forty minutes left in Battle Gruyere!” he shouted excitedly.  “Oh dear,” thought Little Wife as she stirred her soup together.  “And I haven’t even started my second course…”

Leaving the soup to simmer, she grabbed the bacon and threw it into the frying pan.  She ran over to the sink and filled her largest pot with water to boil up her spinach.  Sadly, the pot was too heavy for Little Wife to carry back to the stove.  She walked carefully around the pot to the other side of the Kitchen Stadium to look for some help.  “Excuse me, Miss Cat Cora, would you mind helping me to carry my pot of water over to the stove so that I could cook my spinach for my Quiche?”

“No, not today,” answered the Iron Chef.  “You see, I’m in the middle of a very important challenge here.  Maybe you can ask someone else.”

Little Wife found a person in the audience and he helped her with her pot of water for which she was very grateful.

Back on the step stool, she turned her bacon, stirred her soup and began chopping mushrooms, beating her eggs and grating her two packages of Gruyere cheese.  Sadly and most unfortunately, Little Wife’s hands were just too tiny for the big sharp knife which slipped suddenly knicking the knuckle of Little Wife’s index finger.  “Owww, oh my goodness that hurts,” she spoke softly to herself and one small tear rolled down her cheek.

“But I’m OK.”

Bravely she jumped down from the stool, noticing how much higher the stool seemed now compared to the beginning of the battle.  She found a bandaid at the first aid station behind the set, carefully wrapped up her bleeding finger and got back to her side of the kitchen just in time to hear Alton announce, “Twenty minutes left in this raging battle of the cheese.”

The tension was mounting as Little Wife assembled her Quiche, all the ingredients finally filled the pre-formed pie crust and it looked good enough to eat.  But with only twenty minutes left in the challenge, how could she possible get this large pie cooked thoroughly for the judges approval?

“Aha!” Little Wife spotted the microwave in the back corner of the kitchen, and carefully carefully carefully carried the very large dripping quiche across the kitchen to the microwave.  Her thin arms were aching by the time she got the pie in the oven, but she smiled with relief as the quiche went around and around, cooking nicely and very evenly.

Back to her station she dashed to finish the French Onion Soup.  Up on the stool she climbed and ladled soup into each of the small ceramic bowls, placed a slice of French bread into each bowl and finally piled on the shredded gruyere cheese.  Now that was looking very fine and oh so delicious.  Little Wife was getting very hungry just looking at her soup and smelling all the aromas around her.

“Ok, time to get this in the oven!”  she smiled looking at her beautiful creations.  And then she heard Alton one more time, “Just ten minutes left, ladies and gentlemen.  Ten minutes!”

Glancing across the room at her quiche going around in the microwave, Little Wife realized it was time for some drastic maneuvers.  Time to dip into her bag of tricks!  She reached into her pocket and found her sister’s pint-sized kitchen blow torch!  “Oh thank you Lisa Marie,” she whispered.  “You’ve saved me again!”

After lighting the torch from the fire on the stove, Little Wife boldly pointed it at the soups.  And at the same time as she pointed the blow torch at her soups, the cameramen boldly and suddenly pointed their cameras right at Little Wife.  She smiled broadly into the cameras, crinkling her eyes with delight to have been noticed by the producers of the Food Network.  This was a moment of glory for Little Wife — the cameras and the audience watched as her gruyere cheese first melted, then scorched and then burst into flames while Little Wife smiled into the camera.

“Oh well,” she spoke at last. “I know you’ll enjoy my Mushroom and Spinach Quiche.  Bon appetit?”



2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. aisirir
    Jun 05, 2011 @ 23:59:05

    Iron chef doesn’t air in India sadly :/


  2. Natalie
    Jun 06, 2011 @ 17:39:39

    That’s a shame Aisiri. It is such good entertainment — maybe they have the shows on the web someplace…


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