Because I am quite old, many of my dear and affectionate readers assume that I am also wise. Frequently they ask me, “Mother Goose, I have a problem with (fill in the blank), and I was wondering if you have any wisdom to share with me about that.” Of course, I am always happy to oblige, but I warn my friends that I am after all only a goose, and if they have a real problem, they should get some professional help.
However, because I AM a goose, I do have a unique perspective on solving some problems, a perspective which perhaps should be shared. Perhaps shared with the world at large…
And so, beginning today, Mother Goose is here to offer advice. Who can ever forget “Dear Ann Landers” or “Dear Abby” — they were twin sisters, btw. Many people subscribe to “Ask Miss Manners” and of course, there’s the unforgettable “Dr. Ruth”. In England, they call them “agony aunts” and they often have problems much more bizarre than their anonymous correspondents.
Mother Goose may not have all the answers, but I will surely have an opinion to share about each and every question that comes my way. Feel free to send me an email describing your particular problem (firstname.lastname@example.org). I promise to respond to it RIGHT HERE in a timely fashion, which is the only fashion sense that Mother Goose has as you may already know. (Obviously I rely on the kindness of others to supply me with most of my fashion.)
I can help with relational issues, especially parenting and marriage problems and “friend” dilemmas. In fact, that would seem to be my specialty! But I also have experience solving more puzzling situations such as etiquette, gardening advice, pet care and car repair. Don’t forget — Mother Goose spends a considerable amount of time in the kitchen — maybe you have a food and cooking question? Do you consider yourself challenged in the area of house cleaning? Maybe Mother Goose can help you.
If you wish to remain anonymous, Mother Goose will respect your wishes. If you want great publicity about your problem and its solution, Mother Goose will be happy to broadcast your name, address and phone number if you’d like. We’ll take a couple of questions each day that Mother Goose is available, and I’m sure we’ll all learn much from her wisdom and her unique goose perspective…
Well, what do you know? Here’s our first question!
“Dear Mother Goose, I have a communication problem with my teenage son. He really doesn’t want to share his day-to-day life with me for some reason. Why, just yesterday I found out from a friend that eighth grade graduation pictures proofs were due back to school that day, and my son hadn’t even shown them to me although they had been in his backpack for over a week! Can you imagine how I felt, Mother Goose? How can I encourage my son to talk to me?” From Mom in the Dark (in Oak Park)
Dear Mom in the Dark (in Oak Park), I’m honkingly happy to help you with your problem. Many teenage sons have trouble talking to their mothers — remember that you are not alone in this. My advice is to withhold food from your son until he begins telling you about his life. Teenagers require much food daily — by withholding his meals and snacks, you are sending him a loud and clear message: TELL ME WHAT’S GOING ON or else listen to your stomach growling all day! By the time his ribs are showing, he will realize the error of his ways, and be sharing all sorts of information and thoughts and meaningful phrases with you. Thanks for asking Mother Goose!